


When I Feel Scared

by nicoleeee (orphan_account)



Category: One Direction (Band), Radio 1 RPF
Genre: Falling In Love, Harry feels scared, Kissing, M/M, One Shot, Touching
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-24
Updated: 2013-06-24
Packaged: 2017-12-16 00:46:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,669
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/855855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/nicoleeee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry has an off night and goes to the one person he knows will fix him; Nick Grimshaw.</p>
            </blockquote>





	When I Feel Scared

**Author's Note:**

> My first one-shot. ENJOY.
> 
> Note: I do not own any of One Direction, nor Nick Grimshaw. None of this is true.
> 
> Got the title from a line in the song, Mommy by Selah Sue.

Harry had his phone balanced in his hand for what felt like an hour, but was really only about thirty seconds. In the other was his jeans that he gripped with anxiousness and nervousness He couldn't shake this feeling. The feeling that he wasn't good enough.

 

Since a young age Harry had the urge to please. Please friends, family, people he just met. Everyone. He knew that it wasn't good for his health, but he couldn't shake the feeling of people feeling a certain way about him. Not saying he doesn't love pleasing people, but at times he feels like that's the only way he could ever get anyone to like him or pay attention to him.

 

In the band there are four other personalities that are so defined he gets a sick feeling just by thinking about it. Thinking about the fact that he's not the one who is loud and obnoxious and gets all the laughs, the proclaimed bad boy, the boy who has the cutest irish accent that girls awe over, or the boy that has a killer body full of muscles that you just wanted to touch all over.

 

What was he known for? His hair? He needed more than that. He needed and wanted more attention, just doesn't know how to get it.

 

So, he feels the need to please everyone he loves. Being the last one in the band to go inside because he wants to talk to everyone and sign everything they pretty much own. Take tons of pictures with them so they can go home and show all their friends and family. He felt like doing those simple things would make him feel better. But, he just couldn't shake this crisis he was going through.

 

He knew he needed to call him, but he just couldn't muster up the courage too. The courage to dial that seven digit number that he knew by heart. So, he sent a text instead.

 

_hey, you around?_

 

He waited and waited for what felt like forever till he seen his phone light up in his clutched hand.

 

_u mean hme? yes, styles._

 

Harry drew in a deep breath thinking, 'Yes.' He just needed to see Nick, and he didn't care if Nick wanted to or not. He knew Nick might act a little cold at first considering they haven't really rang eachother in the last few weeks. But, it wasn't because Harry didn't want to talk to him, he just didn't know how. He knew that Nick was a good listener, but, Harry just didn't know how to start off conversations that he knew where going to be deep.

 

_can i come by, please.._

 

Harry had a feeling he would say yes, but he just needed to ask. To be reassured that Nick wanted him there, and not because Harry forced himself to be there in his space like he normally would be.

 

_youre in london? sure. come by, not doing anything._

_  
_Harry didn't even reply. He grabbed a small duffle bag and filled it with the things he would bring to stay over night. He knew Nick wouldn't mind. He just needed to be with him. To feel him by his side as they lay down to sleep. To hear his stupid accent as he made some kind of joke about his long legs and pigeoned toes, or the fact that Harry loves to cuddle under all the blankets even when he was sweating up a storm, curls sticking to his forehead.

 

Harry smiled like he was high off life just thinking about the way Nick takes care of him when they're together. Always whispering in his ear, asking if he's alright. Making sure Harry has all the things he loves. Like stocking his shower with Harry's favorite coconut shampoo and conditoner. His favorite face scrub. Making sure that he uses an allergenic laundry soup because Harry's skin breaks out in hives if he uses anything else.

-

 

Three knocks and there stood Nick ten seconds later, wearing only pajama pants that hung low on his hips. Harry took in a deep breath that he tried to keep silent as he looked over the man he knew he was in love with.

 

You see, Harry and Nick haven't defined a relationship yet. Haven't called eachother anything else other than mates. But the way they acted with eachother was so much more then mates. They would always get caught up in eachothers eyes as the were doing normal things around the house. Or the fact that they have kissed more than a dozen times. Kissed as the bedroom was pitch dark, Harry straddling Nicks hips, as his hands rested on the swell of Harry's ass while he grinded their clothed hardons. Harry making him even harder than he was before they got to that point. 

 

Harry looked down Nicks chest then back to his face to see a huge dumb smile on his face.

 

"You okay, Haz?" Nick said through a smile as he turned to walk into the house leaving the front door open for Harry to walk through and be out the cold London air.

 

Harry dropped his bag onto the couch and kept walking, following Nick into his room.

 

Nick's house was Harrys favorite. It was small, not too small though. Small enough for one person, but also big enough for two. The smell was nostalgic for him. Smelt of like cinnamon and coffee that's sat in the pot for days on end until Nick or Harry himself felt the need to replace it with new fresh coffee for the day. That was by far Harrys favorite smell. Besides the scent Nick had on himself.

 

As Harry walked through the door of Nicks lightly dimmed room he kicked off his shoes by the door then stumbled nervously to Nicks bed. Settling into the bed next to Nick, laying down close to him on his back he closed his eyes trying to keep his breathing even because he was so nervous, he didn't know why? It was just Nick. Just thinking about his problems around makes him so insecure. He just wants him to grab him by his timples, kiss his worries away, make him feel safe and grauded from everything he was feeling.

 

"Can- Can you. Like. Hold me, please?" Harry asked as he opened his eyes to stare at the ceiling fan that wasn't turned on. That they hardly turned on, because Harry liked being warm no matter now hot it was. Even if he was sweating, it was okay for him.

 

"You don't have to ask that. You know that, right?" Nick said with a quiet serious tone as he grabbed around Harrys hip and pulled his top half over his own. Once he did that, Harry wrapped his long arms aroung Nicks defined torso and nuzzled into his chest that had a slight hair that he loved so much.

 

Most people would hate chest hair, espically laying your face into it. But not Harry. He loved it because it reminded him so much of a man Nick was. The light scruff it made on Harrys face as he would kiss his way down his chest lightly when they had one of those nights of soundless kissing and touching in places they never have before. 

 

Nick sighed content. "What's wrong? I hate seeing you like this. You know you can talk to me, okay?" He made a light kiss to harry warm curls that smelled sweet, and like cool London breeze from his walk.

 

"I- I'm not feeling- I'm not okay. I need more than what my life is now. I don't know how to explain it, Nick. Sometimes I feel like. Like I'm not good enough for everyone. That I'm not who I was before. I- I try to be the same Harry that everyone fell in love with on X-Factor but don't know how?" He spoke shyly into Nicks chest as he stroked his perfect curls that he loved so much.

 

"Babe. Where is all this coming from?" He whispered as he pulled Harry up so they could lay side by side facing eachother. "People know you have changed, for the better. You're older now. You can't be that same people pleaser as you were years ago."

 

"That's the thing!" He voiced a little to loud, but not in a mean way. More of a frustrated way. "I love making people happy, I guess I just feel like I don't get enough in return. Like. Like, people expect me to give things, and be all chipper that they stopped- stopped being the same in return." 

 

Putting his face back into Nicks chest he sighed louder than he wanted too. He needed to let that out. He felt so much better to actually tell someone how he felt, and his favorite person at that. Nick has always been his favorite. Harry was a shy soul, and Nick wasn't. He felt that Nick brought out good things that Harry couldn't bring out on his own. Like that beautiful laugh he does when the joke is so funny he can't breathe. Nick is the only person that Harry claims can bring that laugh out of him. He needed Nick as that push to be more open and willing to do things he never thought about before.

 

"You know I don't feel that way. People will always take a good thing for granted, Haz. Always. They will use you, crush your soul because of the person you are. You just have to find the people that appreciate it, and stick with them."

 

"Like you..." He said into his chest pressing a small kiss in the middle of his defined pecs. "You. You make me so happy, Nick. I- I um, never really confessed how I felt about you. But, I really appreciate you so much. You're my rock." He whispered as he trailed his head up into Nick's neck to press small kisses there, as his long clumsy fingers reached for Nicks hip to clutch at. He didn't really ask Nick if he could kiss him, but he just couldn't help it. He smelled so damn good, and his skin was so soft. The mixture of hair and softness of Nicks skin made Harry feeling happy and high.

 

They always had a rule when it came to physical: Always ask before hand. Why? Well, Nick knew Harry wasn't experienced when it came to sexual contact with another man, and Nick knew he had a lot. He never wants Harry to feel out of place or uncomfortable, so he let Harry know that it would be good to ask before making any touches or kisses that meant more. 

 

The first time Harry asked was a few months after they confessed they had a small liking towards each other. They sat in the car outside Nicks house for what felt like hour until Harry said into his scarf, "Nick? C- can you kiss me?" And from then on the made sure it was clear that they asked beforehand. Well, at least Nick made sure beforehand.

 

"Can I kiss you? Please. I just need you right now. Like. I just feel safe when I'm kissing you." He asked breathlessly into Nick's neck, as he felt goosebumps from the warm air covering his taut, smooth, pale skin that he loved.

 

"Yeah, yeah we can kiss." He said pulling him out of his hot neck to look at him in his bright green eyes, pupils bigger than usual. "You're so beautiful." Nick whispered leaning in closer to press a kiss to Harry's naturally cherry red lips.

 

The kiss was everything Harry was hoping for. It was quicker than he wanted it to be, but on the second time he got bolder. When it came to sharing his body with someone else he had a hard time. Not that he was insecure or worried about what Nick would think. He just wanted to please him so bad that he was afraid if he couldn't, Nick wouldn't want to see him again. And that was his biggest fear. Nick was too good to him for him to lose over sex. He knew Nick wasn't that kind of man, but he still had those voices in the back of his head that made him feel not at ease.

 

Nicks tongue slowly made it's way into Harry's smooth warm mouth. He tasted of carmel and a mixture of slight mint from his toothpaste earlier. That was Nicks favorite taste in the world. It wasn't a taste that he would think he liked, or a taste we went looking for on a daily basis, but being it came from Harry he loved it more than anything. Love Harry more than anything, actually.

 

"God." Harry breathed as he mouthed wetly at Nick's cheek and along his chin. "You make me feel unreal." He chuckled because he has never felt like this before. Felt so loved, like he was actually wanted by someone. That someone cared that he was a pleaser, and they wanted him to feel the same. He knew coming to Nick would make him feel better. Nick always had a way of making Harry feel as if he was the only person in the world when they were together. Always making him feel warm and giddy inside.

 

"You make me feel wanted." He moaned into the thick air as Nick pulled off Harry's shirt and kissed down his toned chest loving the way his stomach jumped under his lips. Licking into the light dips that formed his six pack that he worked so hard for.

 

"Oh, I didn't ask if I can go that far. Can I? I'm sorry." Nick whispered up to him a little concerned. He knew Harry didn't mind. But, they had a rule.

 

"Yeah. Yeah, just touch me anywhere. I don't ca- I need you to touch me." He groaned out as his hand ran thourgh Nicks quiff as his head rested by his hip bone that poked out over his skin tight jeans. 

 

"I- I want to touch you. Make you feel good. Please Nick. Let me." He spoke like he was on drugs pushing Nicks hard toned body to the side, while trying to pull off his tight jeans that needed so badly to come off. "Please." 

 

Straddling Nicks hips pressing there hard ons together as he mouthed lightly down his neck. "Yeah. You c- can. Just. Only if you want too." Nick was always concerned about Harry "doing things" for him. He told him a long time ago that it wasn't needed. He didn't need to please him, and make him feel good by touching him where he liked, that Nick could hold out until Harry was ready for it all. Not just little touches that made them want it even more. Harry once responded with, 'But- that's the thing. Nick, I- I get off on making you feel good sexually.' And every since then Nick understood when he begged to let him give Nick a messy blow job.

 

"Wait." Nick said quickly as as he Harry was reaching for the drawstring on his dark green pajama pants. "I need to tell you something, Haz."

 

"Okay.." Harry said uneasy as he sat up on Nick, still placed firmly on his hips.

 

"I- I've never said this to anyone. But, I love you. Well, in love with you. And I just wanted to tell you that before we go any further." He said quickly in a hushed voice, starring at Harrys chest cause he can't look at him in the face.

 

Harry leaned down laying himself onto his chest leaving his face into Nicks neck for the millionth time tonight. I guess you could say that was his favorite spot when he was feeling the way he was. Down and stressed over life.

 

"I love you too, Nick. More than anything. You have no idea.'

 

end.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for any typos! I hope you all enjoyed it. It was the first thing I've ever written. :)


End file.
